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Life A Quick Check In

Published on March 7th, 2013 | by Kimmy

2

A Quick Check In

(Notice): This post was meant to be out a few days ago. I just have not had the opportunity to post it due to… well… you will see… read on my friends ;)

I just wanted to check in with you really quick before I head into surgery. I am having some procedures done to hopefully relieve some pain in my lower back, hips, and to start to rule out some things. If you didn’t know already I have been having an enormous amount of pain in my neck and back that has been radiating to my hands and feet. I have started to lose the feeling in my fingers and toes and it has kept me from being able to write and do things that usually keep me sane. I have also been struggling to keep my sanity and to yield myself from turning to the dark thoughts that race through my mind and making them happy by doing the things that “they” suggest. In short, every day is a task to keep myself alive…….

DAMN!!!! I just had to make Lucy throw up! She was gagging for a while then we went outside and she tried to eat EVERYTHING in the yard to make herself throw up and just couldn’t do it so I looked up how to make your dog throw up  and administered 2 tablespoons of hydrogen peroxide and low-and-behold she threw up everything in her tummy. The wagging of the tail and a face full of kisses made me realize I did the right thing. That was terrible! I pray I NEVER have to do that again!

It just goes to show you that when you think nothing else can go wrong… It will!

Well, it is midnight and I’m not allowed to eat past, like, now so I am going to chug some pedialyte and eat a snack and get ready for bed.

Anyway, before I sign off I want to update you. I just want you to know that I haven’t been ignoring you on Facebook, comments, and emails. I have just been in so much pain that I  cannot sit for any longer than 5-10 minutes. Thus, I am charging through the pain and writing this standing up.

As for my physical state, the doctors say I have a couple handfuls of herniated discs pressing into my spinal cord and one of the discs is pressing into an old spinal cord tear that wasn’t discovered until recently. According to the doctors this is a result of time after the initial injury to my neck and head from my horseback riding accident a few years ago. I was told that a spinal cord injury can take up to 5 years to rear its ugly head. So, it’s right on time.

I am having radiating pain from my neck to my hands and from my low back and hips down my legs, through the bottom of my feet and into my toes. The pain is burning, stabbing, throbbing, aching, tingling, pins and needles, and numb. Yep, that’s a lot of different pain in a lot of different areas.

Right now, I am on my way to the Conroe surgery center to have some procedures done on my low back and hips. If this works I should be able to feel my feet in the next few days and it will help to rule out that my foot pain and Nerve conduction study results (I have nearly no feeling in my lower legs and feet) is not coming from my head injury or my spinal cord injury with the one herniated disc pushing into it, causing my pain and numbness. If this doesn’t work then the next step is to do surgery on my neck, hoping that it will help my ailments. After that if things still aren’t better than they will head to my brain to remove my pituitary adenoma’s (small benign tumors in my pituitary gland).

Do you remember me talking about having weird urine tests in my last post? Well, I found out, through some brain scans that the adenoma’s have multiplied and are pressing on my optic nerve, thus causing the vision and other weird problems I’ve started having. So, this is a step to start ruling some things out. Because of the adenoma’s, from my head injury years ago, I no longer create sodium and potassium resulting in me having to take potassium pills and drink over a gallon of pedialyte a day. Thank God I learned how to make my own for it is saving me over $400 a month! Wowza! Anyway, that is a different post for a different day.

I’m very thankful that I finally have a great team of doctors that take all this seriously and don’t just brush me off as a drug seeker or, one of my most hated words, crazy. I have arrived at the surgery center and I must now fill out a stack of paperwork in order for them to do my procedure.

I just heard a call for “Kimberly McPherson” so that means I must go back to get prepped.

Dag Nabbit! (that is a Southern slang term for dangit, damn it, eff this, insert your slang term here)

Well, I wasn’t able to finish this post as quickly as I had hoped. This seems to be a common recurring theme for the past few months. Oh well, what are ya gonna do? You gotta keep on keepin’ on, right?

BIG SIGH!

So, I am now back in the surgical waiting room and they have taken away my belongings. That means no purse, no tablet, no phone. To keep this going I have stolen a tiny piece of paper and pen from the nurses station and I am writing this “old school” and it is hard as hell to do with my numb hands and fingers.

Let me see if I can do this while the nurse is asking me all sorts of questions. She is looking at me like I have worms crawling out my ears while I write down all of this. I think she thinks I am taking notes about her performance or trying to be a court reporter. Ha! I’ll just let her think what she wants. I love making people uncomfortable when in all actuality It’s me that is the uncomfortable one.

Now I have been moved away to the surgical prep area. I hate it so much when they ask you for a urine sample right after you just peed. I even asked the nurse where the bathroom was so I could go. You would think that she would say, “hold on just a minute, we need a urine sample”. But, noooo! They are probably thinking “wahaaaahaaaa, what she doesn’t know is that I’m going to make her strain as hard as possible to give me a sample in a minute (insert evil laugh here)”.

Oh boy, if only you could see me now. I’m wearing a beautiful 8XXX hospital gown and no panties. As if I couldn’t get any more uncomfortable. They have taken ALL my belongings and peace of mind now. I have three nurses here doing all sorts of wonderful things to me. I have a blood pressure cuff on one arm, a pulse O2 monitor on my pointer finger, all sorts of great sticky things on me for monitors and EKG’s,  a thermometer in my mouth, and a stethoscope on my chest while being asked to take deep breaths, breathe in, breathe out, now breathe normally. One nurse is asking me all sorts of questions to determine my competency. Please state your full name, date of birth, procedures to be done today, doctors name, person that is taking me home, medications I’ve taken, state the alphabet backwards, walk a straight line, now stand on your head. I’m just kidding about the last three :).

I hear the nurses talking behind a curtain talking about if I am competent enough to sign my own paperwork due to the medications I have taken. I can hear my doctor telling them they are idiots for asking that kind of question. He’s yelling “If this was the first day of her life to take all of that medication then yes, there may be an issue with her competency but since this has been going on since 2007, I think she is perfectly fine to be able to sign her own documents.”

I scream (just for fun) “DON’T TALK ABOUT ME LIKE I’M NOT HERE”. The entire surgical prep area busts up laughing. Well, at least all of the women are. The men are saying “huh”? All of the women say “you know, Steel Magnolia’s”. The men groan. I laugh and feel better for breaking the tension.

Yay, now it’s time for them to take my blood. 8 vials later I’m a bit light-headed. It seems like everywhere I go nowadays someone wants my flippin blood! I should have enough stocked up to give life to at least 10 people.

Now, the IV. Okay folks, listen up, If you haven’t paid attention yet now is the time to take notes. This isn’t my first rodeo and I definitely know it won’t be my last. When someone is about to give you an IV always ask for the “numbing stuff”. Yes, I know it’s lidocaine, benzocaine, tetracaine, or novocaine  however you never know which one they have in stock and you never want a doctor or nurse to know you actually know what you are talking about so it’s best to just ask for the “numbing stuff”.  In my 30 plus years of experience with the medical industry I’ve found it is so much easier to play dumb with medical professionals than to get into an intelligence war”. You see, if a doctor or especially a nurse knows that you know as much as them you usually don’t get as “full” of service as if you were to play dumb. No offence to doctors and nurses out there, this is just my personal experience.

Back to the “numbing stuff”, yes, I know it is one more prick but at least it’s a small one at first then you don’t feel the nurse digging around in your squeezed to death veins to try to get an IV started. Ah ha! My point exactly! The first nurse couldn’t get the IV started, she claimed I was pulling back when in fact I wasn’t even looking and it was really that she sucked at doing her job. I have veins so large you can literally run and jump into them. Usually, they are calling the person who is learning how to start a line to do my IV since it is so simple, but nooooo. Now, they are calling in another nurse. Dang, she can’t do it either! Now, I have asked for the nurse who regularly does my IV. With the “numbing stuff” I don’t even feel it. Now, we are in! Yay!

Whoo weee! Now, it’s time for the cocktail before the anesthetic. It’s like having three top shelf margaritas with an extra shot of patron without the calories or the nasty hangover. Weeeeeeeee!

Alright, now I’m headed back to surgery. I hate this part because they roll you into the room where you can see all of the instruments they will be using. It’s cold as Antarctica in here. I’m so jacked up on IV juice and they continue to ask me questions. Now, I’m just answering in colors to let them know there is no way I’m possibly going to think at this point. I have to move to the surgical table and as I roll on to my stomach I flash the whole room with my bare naked ass. Man, is it cold in here. Gotta go! I’ll catch up with you when I’m lucid.

I am being awoken by a nurse telling me it’s time to get up and it feels like a train wreck happened in my brain and all I can say is “No, I don’t want to get up yet”!

The doctor starts laughing and says I sound like him on a Saturday morning.

I’m finally up and now they are wanting me to drink some fluids so that I can prove my insides are working by going pee. Of course they offer me soda! What the hell! What is it with medical places trying to refuel you with carbonated crap right after a procedure. Don’t they know it’s terrible for you even when you are hydrated. I answer with an “Ugh, don’t you have some water. You know the healthy stuff”?

The nurse finally brings me water and I am ready to prove my bladder is working but my legs are so numb I can’t walk and need a walker. Taking tiny steps (like Tim Conway on The Carol Burnett show) and it seems like an eternity to make it down the hall to the bathroom.

After a few minutes of resting I get my chance to prove that I am able to walk without the walker and get to go home.

I try like all get out to get some rest but because of the anesthesia and the steroid combination I am wired and my OCD turns into a full-fledged panic mode. I see all the bottles in my room that need to have labels removed and things that are out-of-place. I continue to clean, face bottles, and remove labels until I pass out around 3am.

The next few days are a blur of pain and OCD. I honestly couldn’t tell much of what I did but now my room is completely organized.

It has been a good 5 or 6 days since my procedure and the pain is starting to be able to be managed with medication. I can now somewhat feel my feet but they are nowhere near normal. Things have gone from crazy to insane around here. My neighbor who has been ill for quite a while called and asked someone to come over and check up on him. My sister and her husband rush over there to find him passed out. My brother-in-law performs CPR on him until the ambulance arrives and they ship him off to the nearest surgical ICU. He is still unresponsive and I have been caring for his dog. Lucy is finally starting to adapt to having another dog around and the neighbors dog, coco, is beginning to stop shaking.

Next week I start my full-time Nanny job for my new baby niece Bella (my sister’s new baby). I can’t wait! I honestly can’t tell you I will be posting a lot but I promise the second I get a moment to I will.

I love you all and I want you to know I haven’t been neglecting you on purpose. Things have just been quite a bit crazy around here. Or, should I say, things are normal as usual!

All my love,

Kimmy

 


 

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About the Author

I recently started a blog Without A Label as an outlet for me to pour my heart and soul into. I often blog about how I have dealt with or overcome many obstacles in my life like an eating disorder, abuse, depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, and panic disorder. I would like to say that my blog is a source of inspiration for those that may be struggling with the cards they have been dealt in life. Here is some info about me:Born Kimberly Lyann Hearn May 8, 1980 in Houston, Tx. in 1984 my older brother, Chris, and I were adopted by my "step-father" (I hate that term because I consider him my real Father) and became Kimberly Lyann McPherson. During that same time we moved to The Woodlands, TX and my little sister, Jennifer, was born. Growing up I always looked up to my "step father" (Ronald McPherson) as my real father. I have been completely blessed in the Family department. If it wasn't for my wonderful parents and a village of angels I would not be here today. God has shown me time and time again that He comes first and He is in control, not me. I find that I sometimes have a daily struggle with trying to take back control from God, but I always learn in some way or another that I am not the one in charge, He is! I would like to live my life as an example for Christ! I am so completely imperfect and a horrible sinner, yet Jesus still died on the cross for me so that I may be clean. I thank God daily for sending Jesus for all of us because I know how much I need it. Without God I Would not be here!



2 Responses to A Quick Check In

  1. seetarn says:

    Hey Kimmy Girl, here’s a post dedicated to you…Love you always…and loads of love from Nizy our dear soul sis as well….She prays, for you to recover soon from your surgery…Lots of love from both of us…http://seetarn.wordpress.com/2013/03/08/a-precious-soul-mate/

    • Kimmy says:

      Thank you so much my sweet Seeta dear! I found your post to bring tears of joy to my eyes. I needed to read that so bad for I have been struggling so to keep my head above water and to not drown in pity for myself. It is God and people like you that keep me going. I am so lucky to have found a precious soul mate! Sorry it has taken so long for me to get to your comments. I had taken a long time to recover from my last surgery and then started being a nanny for my precious 2 month old niece and it just seems like time slips away from me lately. I love you with all my heart and look forward to chatting with you more very soon.
      Mwah, hugs, and blessings,
      Kimmy

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